Tuesday, March 20, 2012

We're Back!

Year #4 - Return of the Ingrates
Star Date:  Week 0


The Sunday Bike Ride with the Vertical Swimmer is back. 

Don't ask any stupid questions. 
Don't be a smartass.
And, if you are single living in the Clarendon/Ballston/Court House area, don't be anywhere near holy water.  You have been warned!

I know what you are thinking.  You are thinking, "it's about damn time!"  Well ingrates, BITE ME!

Same rules as last year.  On any given Sunday, you will come and you will pull me.  Don't give me the finger.  Don't speak underneath your breath.  Don't give me the stare of death.  It won't do you any good.  I have no shame.  If your grandmother was out there, I'd suck on her wheels just as hard as I'd suck on yours.  Resistance is futile!  Accept your fate and we will co-exist just fine.  Bitch and whine and it'll just make me want to suck on your wheels even more ... references available upon request.


The first ride shall begin on Sunday April 8, 2012.  The last shall be Sunday August 04, 2012.  The rest of the schedule are posted at the bottom of this post.  This is subject to change.  The most up to date schedule will always be in the weekly emails that I send out.

As always, we will commence at 7 AM at the corner of M and Wisconsin in GTown.  There is free parking all of GTown on Sundays.  More details about the first ride will come in the weekly email, so don't send me emails asking me stupid questions.  Don't make me sprinkle holy water on you!

For those who are unfamiliar with this world renowned ride with the Freshest Prince of Saigon, this is a FREE triathlete ride that does not discriminate on the type of bikes you have.  Bring your tricycle if you want.  We only have two rules on this ride:
  1.  wear a helmet
  2.  wear a cup

These **ARE** dropped rides.  This means that we are not going to be holding hands and sing kumbya while waiting for the group to gather before proceeding.  If you show up, make sure that you find a good group of people to hang with within our group.  You do not have to go the entire distance with the group.  Go the distance that you are comfortable with and turn back.  The rides will encounter lots of hills.  You may even be sterile before the first ride is over, so again, please wear a cup.

The mileage varies from week to week, but we will be in the 60-120 mile range.  All cue sheets will be provide free of charge ... because I care.  I'm a care-er!  The world needs more people like me and less people like you.


From past experiences, the paces for this ride varies from week to week.  It depends on who shows up.  Generally speaking, the biggest group is in the 17-19ish mph.  This is the average for the ride.  This means that on the flats the pace can be a bit spectacular.  On the hills, there will lots of tears shed.  Keep in mind that these averages are on roads with pretty decent hills.  I've left parts of my soul on many of these hills.
We do have people who are in the 15 mph+ range.  We have had NTPers in the past who have come to ride with the group at the beginning, but drop off and ride for shorter distances.  We've also had people in the way north side 20+ mph.

We all start together, but the group will break into its natural paces once we leave DC.  The groups will stop occasional to refuel and use the restrooms at various locations.  These locations will be specified in the cue sheets that I will send out.

This ride is a very welcoming ride.  We have folks of all levels and speeds who show up on any given Sunday.  Everyone will be loved.  No one will judge your full aero-kit.  Oh, who am I kidding.  If you show up in full aero-kit, of course we are going to judge your dumb ass.


To be part of this ride, just send me an email or post below.  I will add you to our distro list.  **Everyone** from the 2011 list need to resend me an email.  The 2011 email distro list will be destroyed after today.  If you are new, please drop me an email expressing interests or simply post below.

By the way, have you heard of this race call PeasantMan?  We are going to have a 56-112 mile ride at Lake Anna on the Kinetic course the day before PeasantMan, so you might as well sign up for it.
Now back to what I do best ... Amazon.com on billable hours.



Although the first ride officially begins April 8, I may feel generous and have a Vietnamese only ride on April 1.  Weather and how generous I feel will be the deciding factor.

Apr 08
60 miles

Apr 15
70 miles

Apr 22
80 miles

Apr 28 (Saturday) - Columbia BricNic
1-4 Loops
25-100 miles

May 05 - PeasantMan Century
1-2x Kinetic bike course
56-112 miles

May 13
60 miles

May 20
80 miles

May 27
100 miles

June 03
60 miles

June 10
70 miles

June 17
80 miles

June 24
100 miles

Jul 01
60 miles

Jul 08
70 miles

Jul 15
80 miles

Jul 22
Ironman Vietnam
112+ miles

Jul 29
60 miles

Aug 05 -- Last ride of the season
45 miles

Thursday, March 8, 2012

PeasantMan News


Hello Simple Minded People,

The most sterile Vietnamese in America here with another riveting message for you during billable hours.  When I say sterile, I don't mean in a physical sense, that would be just plain wrong.  I mean sterile in a metaphoric sense.  To all of the young ladies out there, I'm sterile metaphorically.  Physically, two of my boys are prosthetic while the other three are fully operational.  Good 'ol Agent Orange.  Thank you America and your contribution to Vietnam ... but enough with the pleasantries.

For the third year running, PeasantMan has sold out.  On behalf of this entire planet and Uranus, I would like to express our sincere gratitude to everyone who has signed to support the High Cloud Foundation via PeasantMan.  My original plan of sprinkling holy water on you in T1 will now need to be altered.  Don't thank me.  Thank humanity.  I often go into deep thoughts during billable hours about my greatest failing ... that I'm generous to a fault. Yes, it does hurt sometimes to be this humble.


To meet the higher than expected demand for this event, we have set up the High Cloud  Foundation Community slots ala the Ironman.  Did we steal this idea from the Ironman folks?  Of course not.  How can one possibly steal an idea?  That's like stealing air. 

Anyway, we've open up a limited number of community foundation slots.  These slots are the normal priced slots + $10.  If you want to do PeasantMan this year, sign up quickly or they will be gone.  Once they are gone, they are gone ... kind of like an idea.

The community foundation registration link can be found at http://www.highcloud.org/PeasantMan.  
Also, to see more of the great work that we do locally and globally to help communities in need, please visit our High Cloud Ning Site at: http://highcloud.ning.com/. Thanks so much for participating in High Cloud's races and events! It really makes a big difference -- for instance, we just had a mini-5k for the kids in South America and gave them the IronMan and Marathon medals that many people donated. Also in the past month, we successfully established a bakery micro-finance program for single mothers who have been displaced by violence and natural disasters. Very meaningful. Now these women are self-sufficient and can support their kids. So have no doubt that being part of the PeasantMan experience, you are making a huge impact!


Ever wonder what it's like to be a Vietnamese for a day?  No, opening a dry cleaning business just makes you Korean.  No, stuffing money under the mattress just makes you a ghetto Viet Cong.  To be a Vietnamese for a day, just volunteer at PeasantMan. 

Better yet, volunteer your significant other and children.  Don't forget the children!  They are our future, so work their asses off.  You know that they'll send you to the nursing home at their first opportunity.  Worse, they'll want to go to a small private liberal arts college and suck your retirement funds dry.  Instead of fine dining at some fancy smancy restaurant during your retirement years, you'll be fine dinning at the local IHOP with a Vietnamese who thinks he's royalty.  Now is the time to get your licks in. 

Please send our volunteer coordinator, Becky, an email (becky@highcloud.org) if you can help out.  Or better yet, complete this survey http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/RKP6PHW to tell her what types of volunteer activity you would be interested in.

Tuan, I'm so generous that it hurts.